Lately Justin has been reading this book called The Introvert Advantage. We have been discussing it a lot and neither of us realized how introverted we are. There are different areas in my life where I feel more extroverted (especially more than Justin), but I can burn out pretty easily and need to relax. To me I always thought that an introvert was shy and an extrovert was very outgoing. That is not true, it is how you create energy. For instance, Justin and I both get drained from being away from home too long, even if we had a great time where we were. So we need time to relax at home and re-energize.
There are these lists of questions in the book to determine how introverted or extroverted you are. If you are curious - take a look. Answer True or False.
"1. When I need to rest, I prefer to spend time alone or with one or two close people rather than with a group. Very true for me.
2. When I work on projects, I like to have larger uninterrupted time periods rather than smaller chunks. True - once I get going on a project, I am determined to keep going and I get really annoyed when I have to stop and put it away. (Scrapbooking, sewing, cooking, projects) Which makes this a challenge for me as a mother! (I try to get most things done during nap time and after bed time)
3. I sometimes rehearse things before speaking, occasionally writing notes for myself. True - I can never give a lesson without practicing or having very efficient notes.
4. In general, I like to listen more than I like to talk. TRUE!
5. People sometimes think I'm quiet, mysterious, aloof, or calm. True
6. I like to share special occasions with just one person or a few close friends, rather than have big celebrations. True, I do not like being the center of attention.
7. I usually need to think before I respond or speak. I am going to answer true, mostly because this is what I really need to do! I often times say things without thinking and people around me are confused as to what I am saying - can't they just read my mind!
8. I tend to notice details many people don't see. True
9. If two people have just had a fight, I feel the tension in the air. True, I hate that feeling!
10. If I say I will do something, I almost always do it. False, I am not the best at following through, although I am trying to be better.
11. I feel anxious if I have a deadline or pressure to finish a project. True, sometimes this is the best way for me to get things done.
12. I can "zone out" if too much is going on. True!
13. I like to watch an activity for a while before I decide to join in. True, I have never been the type to jump into an activity and make a fool of myself without knowing what's going on first.
14. I form lasting relationships. True and False. I am really bad at keeping in touch with people. I am sorry if I have offended anyone because of this. It's not that I don't want to stay close, it's just I get caught up with my little family and time goes by way too fast.
15. I don't like to interrupt others; I don't like to be interrupted. True - mainly I don't like to interrupt others, I worry they will be upset with me. But I also don't like to be interrupted when I am doing certain things.
16. When I take in lots of information, it takes me awhile to sort it out. True
17. I don't like overstimulating environments. I can't imagine why folks want to go to horror movies or go on roller coasters. True - horror movies are TERRIBLE. Roller coasters are fun, but I get exhausted from them.
18. I sometimes have strong reactions to smells, tastes, foods, weather, noises, etc. True. At first we didn't understand this question, but once we thought about it, it made total since. When there is a smell in the house that I can't find - it drives me crazy and I am totally distracted and cannot relax until I find it. As well - certain noises get to me so much.
19. I am creative and/or imaginative. Mostly False, sometimes true.
20. I feel drained after social situations, even when I enjoy myself. Definantly true.
21. I prefer to be introduced rather than to introduce others. True, I am always worried I will forget the name of the person I am introducing.
22. I can become grouchy if I'm around people or activities too long. True and False, really it just depends on how I am feeling. Sometimes I do a lot better than other times.
23. I often feel uncomfortable in new surroundings. True
24. I like people to come to my home, but I don't like them to stay too long. For the most part true, but don't let that stop you from coming over!! Again, it really just depends on how I am feeling.
25. I often dread returning phone calls. True
26. I find my mind sometimes goes blank when I meet people or when I am asked to speak unexpectedly. Absolutely True! I hate being put on the spot, I always say the dumbest things!
27. I talk slowly or have gaps in my words, especially if I am tired or if I am trying to speak and think at once. True, if you add chewing gum at the same time - I'm lost!
28. I don't think of casual acquaintances as friends. False
29. I feel as if I can't show other people my work or ideas until they are fully formulated. Totally true, I want my projects to be finished before people see them.
30. Other people may surprise me by thinking I am smarter than I think I am. TRUE!
Add up the number of Trues. -Did any of you realize what an introvert I am?
20-29 Pretty darn introverted. As a result, it is extremely important for you to understand how to keep your energy flowing and how your brain processes information. You relate to life through your ideas, impressions, hopes, and values.
10-19 Somewhere in the middle. Like being ambidextrous, you are both introverted and extroverted. You may feel torn between needing to be alone and wanted to be out and about. So it's very helpful to notice when and how you consistently feel more energized. You judge yourself by your own thoughts and feelings and by the standards of other people. This gives you a broad view, but at times you may get caught up in seeing both sides of a situation and not know where you stand. It is important to learn to assess your temperament so you can maintain your energy and balance.
1-9 You are more extroverted. You judge yourself in the light of the values and reality of others. You work within the bounds of what exists to bring about change. As you reach midlife and your body slows down, you may surprise yourself by wanted to take a break from socialized or needing time to yourself and then not knowing what to do. You can develop techniques to help yourself remember what is best for you to do when you need solitude. To do this you will have to balance your extroverting skills by learning more introverting skills.
If you're still not sure if you're an introvert or an extrovert, consider the following question: In a crisis, do you tend to feel shut down and somewhat detached and to respond in slow motion? Or do you tend to move your body immediately, take action without even thinking? During a stressful event, we revert to our basic hard wiring. If you tend to pull back, a hush falling over you like a fog, then you are more introverted. If you are more extroverted, you react by propelling yourself forward into action."
One of the funniest things that Justin and I have discovered from this book is that Introverts don't keep eye contact when they are speaking, but when they are listening they keep great eye contact. Extroverts on the other hand keep eye contact when they are talking and their eyes wonder around when they are listening. This is because as Introverts, we are distracted by the eye contact when we are talking so we have to look away to get our thoughts together. That is sooo true for the two of us! We never look at each other when each of us is talking. So now when we are in a conversation, we will say - "hey look at me while you are talking!!"
I have been fascinated with this book and can't wait to read more. If anyone is interested the book is called The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney.
